if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
