ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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