its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
