I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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