It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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