Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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