Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
