The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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