just tell him i said nine months
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
