my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
