Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
