My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
