that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
