your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
