The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
