Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
