This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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