I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
