I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
