dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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