i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
