Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
