i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
