Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
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Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
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Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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