When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
