I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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