We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
