i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
