Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
