He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
