...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
