She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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