she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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