If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
