dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
