she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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