stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
