Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
