Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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