He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
