Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
