I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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