My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
