she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
