So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
