you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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