so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
