You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
