you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
