Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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