This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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