He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
