You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
