He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
