We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
