I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
third nipple confirmed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
