Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
