Welp...herpes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
