Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
