not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
