idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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