Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
