Quick, to the slutcave!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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