it hurts more in the daytime
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
