I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
