Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
