I bet he comes in French.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
