matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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