When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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