I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
3pm strippers are depressing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
