I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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