Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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