hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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