Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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