Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize