real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You are the jesus of drinking
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
