why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His hands were made for my vagina.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
